Attachment Trauma (Part 2/3)
Part 1 of the Attachment Trauma Series focused on the origins of attachment wounding and the impact on mental health. Part 2 will aim to focus on the influence of early attachment on adult relationships.
Attachment theory suggests that early interactions with caregivers shape a person's attachment style, which can significantly impact future relationships in adulthood. Research has indicated that there are four main attachment styles, which describe the way that individuals form and maintain close relationships with others.
4 Attachment Styles
Here are the four main attachment styles to consider:
Secure: This attachment style is the outcome of a caregiver's loving, affectionate, regulated, and responsive behavior towards a child's distress and needs. When in adult relationships, this style allows people to express their emotions with ease, be comfortable with their vulnerability, have a greater sense of self-confidence in relationships, and manage negative emotions and situations in a healthy way. They are also able to self-regulate and hold space for others’ emotions.
Anxious (Preoccupied): This attachment style is the outcome of inconsistent or unpredictable comfort and responsiveness from a caregiver. As an adult, this may result in feelings of insecurity in relationships, clingy behaviour, ambivalence, having lower self-worth, and the need for constant reassurance and validation.
Avoidant (Dismissive): This attachment style is the outcome of a caregiver who is insensitive, detached, mis-attuned, neglectful, or unresponsive to a child's distress and needs. This can lead to characteristics in later relationships such as emotional distance, discomfort with vulnerability, lack of emotional attunement, and difficulties with emotional expression and communication.
Disorganised (Fearful Avoidant): A disorganised attachment style forms when a child is raised in a chaotic, confusing, unpredictable, fearful, authoritarian, and/or frightening home environment. This can lead to characteristics in later relationships such as unpredictability, impulsive behaviours and tumultuous, push/pull dynamics. This attachment style incorporates both the anxious and avoidant attachments.
Common indicators of attachment trauma in adults
Below are some common indicators of attachment trauma in adults. Please note that this is not an exhaustive list.
Being anxious, suspicious and hypervigilant for any signs of disloyalty, betrayal, or rejection.
Difficulty establishing emotional connections with others and avoiding emotional intimacy, leading to challenges with physical and emotional closeness and vulnerability.
A strong inclination towards demandingness, entitlement, over-dependence, and enmeshment with others, which can drive people away.
A deep desire for independence and autonomy, often resulting in counter-dependence issues, hyper-independence (excessive reliance on oneself), and over-controlling behaviors.
A tendency to view romantic partners as either all good or all bad (known as idealising/devaluing).
Either searching for the perfect partner or attempting to "fix" their current one.
Challenges of Building and Sustaining Healthy Relationships After Attachment Trauma
Individuals who have experienced attachment trauma often face difficulties in establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. The wounds from their past make it hard to trust themselves and others. If the attachment trauma has not healed, people may find themselves drawn to emotionally unavailable, unpredictable, unstable, indecisive, and/or abusive partners because they feel undeserving of better treatment. They unconsciously repeat the familiar early attachment dynamics. These relationships also do not ‘challenge’ the insecure attachment. For example, the fearful style can enable the anxious style and vice-versa; whereas the secure would challenge the core beliefs and ‘lift’ the relationship.
Furthermore, attachment trauma can create a fear of intimacy and vulnerability. For those who were hurt during their formative years, the thought of being vulnerable can be overwhelming. As a result, they may build self-protective barriers that prevent them from experiencing fulfilling relationships and enjoying the benefits of intimacy.
Final Word
Attachment trauma can have a profound impact on a person's adult life, affecting their mental health, sense of self, and relationships. The impact of attachment trauma can manifest in a variety of ways, including difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships, feelings of anxiety, depression, loneliness, and low self-esteem.
In order to heal from attachment trauma, it's important to recognise the ways in which it has affected your life, and to work with a mental health professional to develop coping mechanisms and strategies for building healthy relationships. By addressing attachment trauma head-on, individuals can move towards a more fulfilling and satisfying life, with more meaningful and rewarding connections with others.
At Life Growth Psychology, our trained clinical psychologists are experienced in helping you with understanding your attachment wounding. Book an appointment with us and start your healing journey today.
